My Moo, My Man?

I am the junior cat in this household. It's patently obvious the way Cosmo swans around, gets offered all the fussing, the best food, he gets the most attention and a prime spot on the sofa between the humans. Nobody calls him "fatboy" or makes him constantly get down off things cause he's "too muddy" or "wet".

Cosmo likes to rub it in too. Whenevery I try to play, or offer to groom him he either smacks me or runs off.

I thought I had at least one thing over him - my own pop song.

But nooo, he's got to have that too. Oh yes, my humans have been listening to "My Moo My Man" by Feist. I hate her so much. She's just boring soft rock in pretty packaging. I'm more of a Laura Cantrell or Neko Case cat myself.

Feist - "My Moon My Man"
Neko Case - "Star Witness"
Laura Cantrell - "Do You Ever Think of Me"

Please Help the Cause Against Lonliness

It's been a while since I've posted because the holidays really got me down. While my humans were galavanting around eating like pigs, I was left at the mercy of the neighbourhood bully and the lady next door. While I approve of the fact that she gives me 3 times more food than my female human does, she's not nearly as cuddly. Plus, when my humans are away I can't sleep on the bed or the sofa, my two favourite spots. Instead I have to fight with Cosmo over the cushion at the top of the stairs.

I don't like it at all when my humans go away though because I always wonder if it will be like last time when I had humans and a mummy to feed me and then suddenly I was living rough. I promised myself that if they came back for me that I'd be extra nice to them and I was glad to see them but then they went away a second time and I was alone again while fireworks were going off! But they're back now and they don't appear to want to go away again anytime soon.

Mostly though I've been worrying for the last couple of weeks what would happen if they did go away forever and I don't like that idea at all. It's made me want to listen to sad music, music about being alone. I particularly like Tresspassers William because they're named after Piglet's father and my female human likes to call me "Pig." When they sing "...something you'll run back in for when the house burns down" I wonder if my humans miss me when they aren't here?

MP3 - "Alone" by Tresspassers William

They also have a dreamy quality that helps me feel calmer. I listen to "Different Stars" and I wonder where my mummy is and if the humans from the house where I was born are somewhere exotic and whether when my humans look up outside if it looks different or smells differerent and what the cats are like where they go. I wonder if I would find different sorts of mice to chase or whether they have different types of food to taste. Mostly I wonder if the toilet swirls differently there.

MP3 - "Different Stars" (Live Session at KCRW) by Tresspassers William

Sleeping lessons

The only thing that I do as well as sleep is eat. Sleeping is a fantastic pasttime, especially when I spent the first year of my life unable to sleep soundly or comfortably owing to having to do it outdoors. I was constantly keeping one eye open for foxes and dogs and unfriendly children and large birds.

Now, though, I have all the comfortable, safe places to sleep I could ever want. In the last 24 hours I have napped on the dining table, in the bathroom sink (which is my all time favourite spot), behind a guitar amp, under the bed, on the bed, by the bed, on two different sofas, on the kitchen floor, the front door mat, the floor of the lounge and the floor of the hallway. Depending on whether I want soft and cushiony or, cat-shaped or radiator warmth, or enclosed space or an aerial view of the room depends on where I lay my furry body.

My humans have a load of CDs that are perfect for soothing me to sleep. My current favourite is "Now They'll Sleep" by Belly. It's a perfect dose of '90's American indie pop where singer Tanya Donnelly serenades her lover by explaining to him that "I'm not the hero I could be and not the dog I was." I love any song which suggests that dogs are a lower life form and not something you'd want to emulate.

MP3 - "Now They'll Sleep" by Belly

Then there's "Sleeping Lessons" by The Shins. Now it's not like I need lessons. If there were an animal Olympics for sleeping I'd be the champion. But I love the funny blips and bleeps and it sounds so different from all the older Shins stuff but still has such a light, lilting melody. You can't fault it. It soothes me after I've been outside chasing squirrels.

MP3 - "Sleeping Lessons" by The Shins

You also can't leave out "Sleep Well Tonight" by John Peel favourites Gene. The refrain "Sleep well tonight tomorrow we fight!" almost always rings true for me. At the end of a long day it gets me looking forward to going out into the garden and catching a dormouse or chasing off that horrible ginger cat that keeps eating my food. Gene wrote such wonderful tender anthems, it's a shame they never really matched the beauty and power of their debut. It's also a shame they spent the subsequent decade trying to become the new Smiths because that was never going to happen. But my humans at least have this and I love it.

MP3 - "Sleep Well Tonight" by Gene

Do you like American music?

It is well and truly winter here in Salford. I can't even cower under cars without sitting in frost at the moment. The only thing for it is to spend time in the warmth of the indoors and listen to CDs with my humans.

They've been on an American music kick recently, I think there was some American holiday or something recently. They had a houseful of other humans last weekend who kept wanting to scratch my ears and rub my belly and they kept sitting in my seat.

Now you would think that the spot on the sofa that is marked with my fur would be clearly understood to be my seat, but humans are notoriously stupid.

While I was having to endure all these humans with their drinking and all the food they wouldn't let me near, they all realised how great I am. They kept saying so. No matter how amazing they think I am, however, having to watch humans eat is torture. How can you keep food away from such a charming boy as I?

They give me some tinned mush and some dry stuff shaped like tiny animals while parading around with plates piled high with turkey, and Cosmo's favourite, roast potatoes. They were scarfing down cornbread and cheese and wine, and when I tried to get a taste of turkey I got called "fatboy" and told to go outside and play!

If I had opposable thumbs....

Anyway, they were playing songs about American cities, but these I reckon are more appropriate because it seemed to me that their party was all about eating, not all about Americans.

MP3 - "Birthday Cake" by Cibo Matto
MP3 - "Peach, Plum, Pear" by Joanna Newsom
MP3 - "I Hate Milk" by Air Miami
MP3 - "Take It Easy Chicken" by Mansun

Fight Like the Night

It's been a really stressful week. This nasty ginger cat from down the road thinks he can make a mug of me. He keeps coming in the cat door and eating my food. Cosmo is terrified of him. I figure that if there's never any food left when he comes in then eventually he'll go eat some other schlub's food.

Ok, there has been the issue of my growing belly, but I'd rather be fat than hungry! And I'd rather be fat than have some nasty ginger in my house. He got angry last week and sprayed all over the kitchen. At least I have a human to get rid of his smell when that happens.

So anyway, I get up on Tuesday morning and I can see him staring in the cat door at me so I went outside and told him to piss off. He hissed at me and said I was all hot air. So I called him a stupid fucktard and said to watch it or I'd scratch his eyes out. Then he jumped me! I drove him off but he left me with a bloody ear and a sore leg.

I went inside to cool down and decided to have a nap in the sink but then my female human came in and picked me up. She said something about teeth? I don't know. Humans have such weird grooming rituals. The point is, when she picked me up it made my leg hurt even more and she saw me limping so then I had to go to the vet who prodded me and poked me and gave me a shot. You'd think she could have cleaned the blood off my ear but she was more interested in poking things into my arse.

Finally then I get home and my female human goes off wherever it is she goes all day and I get the chance to relax and Cosmo asks what happened. I told him I had a fight. If he were tougher he could have come and helped me instead of sleeping next to our female human like a mama's boy. He got all wiggy over it, the threat of violence really bothers him. He's such a tame housecat. In fact, he's such a big girl's blouse that for about the last month, everytime he goes out or comes in our door he has to pound on it for five minutes like he really thinks that's going to scare away the neighbourhood bullies.

What happened Tuesday though? He only went and broke the thing. So, not only was it freezing cold in the house all day while I was trying to have a nap, but then when our male human got home he covered up our door so we were trapped inside unless someone let us out and outside unless someone let us in. I had to spend all of Wednesday outside as a result. Then all of Thursday night outside as well. Isn't that just typical?

MP3 - "Fight Like the Night" by Malcolm Middleton
MP3 - "Fight" by James
MP3 - "Fight" by The Cure
MP3 - "Bus Stop Boxer" by Eels

I'm Riley Cat, welcome to my life!

Hi, I'm Riley and I'm a wildcat. This blog is all about my very busy life and the music that soundtracks it.

I'm a moggy, and I'm almost two years old, I think. I live with my two humans in Salford but I was actually born in Ashton-under-Lyne. I spent my first year living rough, terrorising the other neighbourhood cats and breaking into houses to steal other people's food until my female human brought me home. Now I spend my days sleeping, and most of my nights as well, and in between I eat as much and as often as possible, terrorise my adopted older brother Cosmo, catch mice, fight and roam around the garden and the woods opposite my house.

I have a pretty good life now, or I would if my humans didn't always call me silly names and try to stroke my belly and take pictures of me while I'm sleeping. But it's still better than sleeping rough, eating garbage and having to break into strangers' houses for scraps. In fact, I landed on my feet. But then again, I am a cat, so what else would you expect?

MP3 - The Lightning Seeds - "The Life of Riley"